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Hello. I have recently discovered this website through the educational materials sent me by Lundbeck, alongside around 14 free tablets of Lexapro. I have been on medication with the said drug for around two months now; but I daresay, I cannot cope with regularly taking my medical panaceas since prescription drug prices tend to soar much these days. Although, really I am thankful for the medical freebies I've recently received.

My medical condition has always been somewhat in shambles, with different verdicts on my condition. Concurrently I am also taking Keppra with Lexapro (the latter tied w/ Valparin such that my mood swings may be further controlled) since I have previously underwent a succession of seizures. Last 2005, I have also been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, and with that I have been given Lamictal. As far as I can note, my condition seems to adapt fairly well when I am not usually in a hurry to do things. However, it cannot be denied that I need to work so as 1) I would not get easily bored, since boredom poses a negative effect on me; 2) I would like to do something whereby I would know that I am still capable of doing something worthwhile; 3) My basic needs and finances can still be addressed, most particularly my daily medications. Yet it seems that no matter how I try, my attempts to go back to work always seems futile: I have been to almost six (6) workplaces, and the first two to four months would prove a-OK for me until I'd have the chest palpitations, seizure attacks, then bouts of my psychiatric illnesses (bipolar disorder aftermaths and a depressive state which could last for months). Hence, it had always been inevitable that I change jobs frequently, plus a lingering trepidation on my part that my next venture into the workforce would be the same as always.

Yes, I do have the drive to work; but why does it appear palpable to never refute the fact of my abilities'/capabilities' descent? I had never stammered, but ever since I had been diagnosed with depression, pseudo-seizures and bipolar disorder, I had begun doing so frequently? I could not even read a simple novel without re-reading a certain page for three times since I'd begin forgetting certain vital details within the text as I go along. My graduate studies have also suffered, and I could not usually go past a year's second semester. I have always been a person who knows what I want to achieve in life and invoke that fully in myself constantly so as I could be successful in a way. But ever since all these happened, simple tasks such as working normally or talking or writing like I used to always deteriorates day by day. There are also instances whereby I would forget familiar places or even grammar. Well, of course, complicated by a quite chaotic domestic environment where quarrellings have always become the norm.

I just need to work, and finish grad and post grad school. I just want to live normally. But why isn't my brain functioning as it had been before, prior to all the symptoms of my malady? It's quite difficult to explain in detail... but I just feel I don't have the stamina or enthusiasm to do what I would like, or make my aspirations come to pass. Everyday, I'd be confused especially with the idea that I could not successfully maintain a job because of my frequent sicknesses. I am getting restless and temperamental. I feel as though I cannot work like people my age who have somehow have fulfilled their dreams appropriate or near to their chosen career already.

I just want this to stop. I do take my medicines but why do my mental mechanisms continue to slide down? Is there something wrong? Or am I already suffering from side effects?

Thanks.