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Felt Deserted = Existential Vacuum
A page in the diary "Depression"
Written by mcdylan 02 March 2010 14:31
Existential Vacuum, a state of being empty and apathy, can lead to inevitable repercussions such as death( It creates suicidal thoughts).
The feeling of apathy, "I don't care" struck me. I guess, it rooted from a dilemma I and my folks had. This is not just an ordinary clash between me and them. They disagree in the methods I used to live my life. And of course, I never win in our "heated" arguments. This time they made me felt crappy and worthless. In which, it led me to feel ALONE. I did not eat or do anything. I just sat and stared blankly at a plain wall. And then, I realized what a professor of mine taught me regarding existential vacuum. My condition then was close to it. So, I tried to snap out of it. I thought of things that mattered to me. The initial attempts did not actually worked since I was not paying full attention and control. Then, my sister heard me and asked if something was bothering me. We talked. My condition was alleviated.
If wasn't for that interference, I would have been mentally dead or something similar to that.
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