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Felt Deserted = Existential Vacuum

A page in the diary "Depression"
Written by mcdylan 02 March 2010 14:31

Existential Vacuum, a state of being empty and apathy, can lead to inevitable repercussions such as death( It creates suicidal thoughts).

The feeling of apathy, "I don't care" struck me. I guess, it rooted from a dilemma I and my folks had. This is not just an ordinary clash between me and them. They disagree in the methods I used to live my life. And of course, I never win in our "heated" arguments. This time they made me felt crappy and worthless. In which, it led me to feel ALONE. I did not eat or do anything. I just sat and stared blankly at a plain wall. And then, I realized what a professor of mine taught me regarding existential vacuum. My condition then was close to it. So, I tried to snap out of it. I thought of things that mattered to me. The initial attempts did not actually worked since I was not paying full attention and control. Then, my sister heard me and asked if something was bothering me. We talked. My condition was alleviated.

If wasn't for that interference, I would have been mentally dead or something similar to that.

Comments from the community

Im one who also struggled with family issues all my life, things changed when I finally stood up to my parents and said I would no longer take any form of abuse from my mom, who is a narcissist. I've learned to accept my circumstances and continue to do what it takes to heal myself & make the most out of my situation. It really helps to talk about things and understand how your past affects the present. From there, you can move forward and make the necessary changes to love & heal yourself. Good luck!

Written by snarkychick, 17 March 2010 22:46